Number 636


Pappy's Fourth Annual Thanksgiving Turkey Awards


Thank you. Thankyouverymuch. I am thankful for all of Pappy's readers.

Today is Thanksgiving Day, time for Pappy's annual Thanksgiving Turkey Awards. It's
the one day a year I get to pick the dumbest story I've found all year and present it to Pappy's readers. It's all my subjective judgment. You don't get to vote.

This year I've chosen "Million-Year Monster," which originally appeared in Forbidden Worlds #14 in 1953. I've scanned it from its appearance in a black-and-white magazine, Shock, volume 1 number 3, from 1969. Here's the cover of Forbidden Worlds by artist Ken Bald, where the story was so highly thought of it got the pole position. Note the red dinosaur with a man's face, note the Shemp Howard hairstyle. Note the atom bomb cloud surrounding the monster and a lone soldier shooting.

Inside note that the Million-Year Monster can speak, but what it mostly says is, "Me want Jill!" Words alone cannot describe this story. You just have to read it. The Grand Comics Database says the artists are Paul Gattuso? (? means they aren't sure) and Dick Beck.

"The Million-Year Monster," our award winner for 2009, earns four turkeys.

Previous award winners are:

2006: "The Flat Man"
2007: "The Day the World Died"
2008: Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen in "The Bride of Jungle Jimmy"

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 Number 421


Thanksgiving Turkey Awards 2008


Welcome to a special Pappy's for Thanksgiving Day. This is the third annual Pappy's Thanksgiving Turkey Awards presentation. Our first was in 2006, with the classic but stupid "The Flat Man." We followed up the next year with "The Day The World Died", an unusual science fiction story. Unusually dumb, that is.

I make the rules for the Thanksgiving Turkey Awards. That means that my judgment is final, my choice of a winner can be whatever I think fills the bill. This year it means a bizarre Jimmy Olsen story, "The Bride of Jungle Jimmy," from Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen #98, December 1966.

What's supposed to be a comedy comes out as is a weird tale of near bestiality, condescending, racist attitudes ("We pay our native extras off with trinkets!" Those ignorant villagers worship a gorilla! Ha ha!"), and even showing "scenes" from King Kong with a brunette Fay Wray. Talk about sacrilege.

The only comedy in the story is the unintentional kind. The panel of Bruna, the love-struck gorilla gal, eating the banana is so obvious you just know what kind of wedding night our furry bride has in mind for her groom.

Artwork on this story is by Pete Costanza, who worked with Captain Marvel artist C. C. Beck on many of the Captain Marvel stories. It's written by Leo Dorfman.

"The Bride of Jungle Jimmy," our 2008 Pappy's Thanksgiving Turkey Awards winner, gets three-and-a-half gobblers.

NOTE: I re-scanned the pages for this story in August, 2012.

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 Number 222


Beyonders Kill!


Happy Thanksgiving! For you beyonders beyond our borders, today in America we are celebrating our own abundance with a feast of gluttony, enough caloric intake per person to nourish a smaller nation for at least a year. We visit with family, then end our celebration in a stupor on the couch watching an American football game. Good eating, but pass the Pepto-Bismol. Our main course is turkey, a very stupid bird. When someone is pretty damn dumb we call them a turkey.

A year ago I celebrated this day with the first annual Comic Book Turkey Award for dumbest comic book story. The recipient is chosen by me, Pappy, the judgment on said story is all mine, and it's purely subjective. Last year's winner was in Pappy's #57, "The Flat Man," from Superior's Journey Into Fear #19. You can read it by following the link.

This year's story can't top "The Flat Man," but "The Day The World Died" from ACG's Forbidden Worlds #5, March-April 1952, comes at least a close second in stupidity. I won't describe the story to you. You'll have to experience it, and the Beyonders, for yourselves. The Grand Comics Database credits the artwork to George Wilhelms. The story earns three turkeys out of a possible four.



While reading it, have another piece of pumpkin pie, with a double shot of whipped cream. Ummmm, good, isn't it? But not nearly as good as the treat you'll get from "The Day The World Died!" And best of all, no calories!

Note: I made new scans of the pages in August, 2012.

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